SARAH MCCAMMON, HOST:
The holidays are over. The decorations are packed away, and what's left is a long stretch of winter. For some people, that quieter season can bring a sense of calm, but for others, it can feel isolating. So how do you find connection when the invitations slow down and the days feel short? NPR Life Kit host Marielle Segarra has tips on how to grow your community any time of year.
MARIELLE SEGARRA, BYLINE: Last year, Priya Parker posted on Instagram the obituary of a man in New Orleans named Pablo Johnson (ph). He would host these Monday night dinners where he cooked red beans and rice and invited neighbors, friends and even strangers to his table - thousands of people over many years. Parker says in response to her post, people kept saying to her, I wish I was invited to a dinner like that.
PRIYA PARKER: And I'm thinking, host one. Host one. Host it. And I think, right now, everybody's longing for community. We long to be part of a village. We long to have people come over and help us, but when's the last time you've hosted something? When's the last time you have helped somebody move? When's the last time you picked somebody up at the airport? It's almost like community has become consumption instead of production.
SEGARRA: Parker thinks about community and relationships a lot. She wrote a book called "The Art Of Gathering." And her first tip for building a village is to host something you're excited or curious about. One woman who wrote to her based a whole gathering on a tomato tart recipe that she wanted to make.
PARKER: She invited six friends to come over that week for dinner. She made the tomato tart. She had everyone dress up in red. And then at the dinner, she asked, what made you feel like a tomato this week?
SEGARRA: So some questions to ask yourself if you're trying to come up with an idea for a gathering...
PARKER: How do I want to spend my time, or what's one activity I've been wanting to do? What is one thing I've been longing for? It could be simply, like, I've been dying to go and check out the new bookshop across town and maybe invite three friends to come with me. Let's go for a little field trip. Start with something that, like, you feel like that sounds fun.
SEGARRA: And if you don't have a lot of people to invite, go small - one or two guests, maybe a family member or a neighbor. You can also start meeting people to invite to things at community events and institutions.
PARKER: Start showing up. Start becoming a regular. There's so many third (ph) places that want to be this for people, so restaurants, bookshops, gyms, parks that are wanting to bring people together.
SEGARRA: When you're brainstorming where to go and what to do, pay attention to what makes you feel more alive. One of Parker's friends was missing playing kickball, which she used to do on the playground as a kid, so she organized a game.
PARKER: And, like, 20 people showed up. They were so delighted, in part because she was so excited.
SEGARRA: Now, if you do want to host something, it can help to have one or two cornerstone friends - people who are reliable, who you love being around, who you know will show up and who are game to try new things.
PARKER: My husband and I have a term for these people. We call them yes friends. They're friends who always say yes. Yes, I'll do that thing with you. Yes, I'll come over. Yes, you know, I'm down.
SEGARRA: And to take some pressure off yourself, allow your friends to share the joy and responsibility of hosting with you. Maybe you and a friend cohost a community dinner. Or maybe it's just that when your guests show up, you let them be useful. Give them some veggies to mince. Tell them you're responsible for tonight's playlist. We are talking about building a village after all, and when you're part of a village, you don't have to do it all alone.
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